My Poetry: I Must Hide This Pain Away...

I Must Hide This Pain Away…

You told me the news,

I felt like I couldn’t breathe,

This sorrow buried inside,

Had its trigger to seethe;

This news should bring joy,

But I feel such immense sadness,

“Their having another baby”,

Was news that should have brought gladness;

It shouldn’t make me burst into tears,

But when we were pregnant first,

And lost our little one…

The day just felt,

Like my world had lost its sun;

Now, every single time,

News like this comes,

I hear a roar in my ears,

And my heart beating like from a distant drum;

It’s like my body is in shock,

It misses you, our sweet little Hope…

After almost three years now,

I should be able to cope;

But the tears can’t help but fall…

I remember when we were so excited to see,

Your little shape like a lentil,

Then, from such heart-filling joy,

It plummeted to a pain with a force so elemental;

 “I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat.”

“It’s not a viable pregnancy.”

“Not. A. Viable. Pregnancy.”

“NOT. Viable….”

My heart just stopped in that moment,

And in this present moment, I keep wondering, “When???”

When can I feel the happiness I want to feel for others?

When can I react normally once again?

Instead of feeling like I can’t breathe,

I hate feeling this way!

I’m so sorry to my joyous family and friends,

So I must hide this pain away…

~ By Jayne Michellane a.k.a Lady Jayne, 25 November 2011